


The Windows to the Soul

by Shayera Thal (WierdAlienFantasies)



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-22 23:37:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7458112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WierdAlienFantasies/pseuds/Shayera%20Thal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>M'gann always vowed she would only use her powers for good. But, as her world slowly starts to crumble, the line starts to blur. As the losses stack up, M'gann starts to lose herself. It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul; all that can be seen behind the green glow is suffering and heartbreak....</p>
<p>Set during the 5 year gap, exploring the sequence of canon events that led to the innocent Martian developing a darker side to her personality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

M’gann found herself humming to avoid the silence. The comfortingly familiar melody of _Hello Megan!_ helped distract her, keeping her focused on the batch of cookies she was baking and not the horrible empty silence. Mentally she berated herself. The only reason there was silence was that her friends were busy. It was nothing serious, certainly nothing to get worked up about.

She was putting the first batch in the oven when the sensation crept up on her again. _No!_ She forcefully pulled herself from her train of thoughts. Everyone was fine. Robin was merely in Gotham with Batman; nothing out of the ordinary. Kaldur had returned to Shayeris to spend some time with his mother; that was not unusual, he went every once in a while to check up on her. Conner had been invited back to the Kent farm in Smallville by Clark; she was happy for him, she knew how much he had been looking forward to going.

Zatanna was on a school trip to see some geological formation; she’d made them all laugh with her over-dramatic complaints of how utterly boring it was going to be. Raquel had gone home to her family for a while; after being injured on a mission, Batman had forced her to go on leave until she recovered, a decision M’gann wholeheartedly supported. And Wally and Artemis….

M’gann froze for a moment, memories rushing unbidden into her mind. Artemis’s exasperation as she burnt yet another batch of baked goods. Wally racing forward to try them, insisting they tasted wonderful anyway. Wally trying to flirt with her again, only for Artemis to elbow him in the ribs, silencing him as he yelped in pain…

A loud clatter broke the silence of Mount Justice, echoing through the hollowed out interior. M’gann collapsed to the floor beside the dropped bowl of batter, curled up as she struggled to contain her tears. Under her breath she muttered the same words over and over

_Not dead not dead not dead not dead not dead not dead…_

But, no matter how many times she said it, she couldn’t help but feel like Wally and Artemis may as well have been dead. Having left for a normal life at college, they wouldn’t be around anymore. It had been just two days, and already the aching loss she felt at their absence was tearing her apart. Her earth family was splintering, and M’gann felt as though part of her had left the cave with two of her best friends.


	2. Chapter 2

The girls were getting ready to head out on a shopping trip when Conner walked in with wolf. Grinning, Raquel nudged M’gann.

“Looks like there’s someone here for you.”

M’gann had turned to see Conner, and immediately her face lit up. Flying over to him she had embraced him, locking his lips in a kiss before he could speak. As they broke away to laughter from Zatanna and Raquel and an approving grunt from wolf she spoke

“Conner! I thought you were heading out with wolf to go hiking for the day.”

He shrugged, he face slightly red from the kiss,

“Yeah, but before we could leave wolf brought me these.”

He reached into his pocket to pull out five letters. He passed one to M’gann and threw one each to Zatanna and Raquel. Curiosity piqued the girls intently studied the letters. There seemed to be nothing unusual about the envelope, plain white with the only marking being the stamp and their names written in neat cursive.

“There’s one addressed to me and Nightwing too…”

Conner continued. As if on cue a figure materialised from the shadows. Although the costume and recently increased height were new, the face remained recognisable. Dick, their Robin, had recently taken on a new name and costume so that Batman’s latest partner, one Jason Todd, could assume the mantle of Robin. The team were still getting used to the new black and blue suit, but it helped that Dick retained the same personality, ninja-qualities and all.

Taking the letter Conner offered him, he studied the envelope as well. His brows furrowed as he took in the writing. Sensing something was up with her boyfriend, Zatanna walked over and softly asked him

“Nightwing? Do you recognise the handwriting?”

Still frowning he replied

“Yes, its Br- Batman’s, its Batman’s I’m sure of it. I wonder why he would send us all letters…”

“Well, only one way to find out”

With a shrug Raquel torn open her letter, with Zatanna and Conner following suit. M’gann paused as she saw Nightwing hesitate, but then he too ripped open the letter and so she allowed herself to do the same. Quickly scanning the message inside, she was momentarily stunned. A scream of excitement from Raquel brought her back to her senses.

“It’s an official invitation! To join the Justice League! Guys we’ve done it! We can finally enter the big leagues!”

She raced forward to hug M’gann, who squeezed her back equally excited. Zatanna had a large smile on her face too, no doubt glad that she could finally follow in her father’s footsteps. M’gann didn’t notice the quick glance Conner and Nightwing shared. Stepping forward Nightwing cleared his throat, interrupting the celebrations.

“Ladies, I suggest we save the celebrations for after the official ceremony. The letter says we have 24hrs to consider, before we will have to officially accept or refuse the offer.”

Raquel snorted.

“As if we’d refuse. Come on Zee, Megs; this calls for an extra special celebratory shopping spree!”

“Actually, I need to have a word with M’gann if that’s okay”

M’gann smiled, waving the other two on.

“You guys go ahead, I’ll join you at the shopping centre.”

Smiling Zatanna and Raquel left through the zeta tubes, still happily discussing what it would be like to formally join the League. M’gann turned to face Nightwing, finally noticing his and Conner’s serious expressions. Her own smile faltered, to be replaced with a look of confusion.

“Aren’t you guys happy? We can finally join the league.”

Conner had shifted uncomfortably at that, but it was Nightwing that had responded, looking down so that he did not have to meet her eye.

“Actually, we aren’t going to accept the invitation. Kaldur already had an offer and had to turn it down as he is still needed as team leader. We, that is Conner and I, decided to follow his suit. The new team members still lack experience- Jason and Barbara are new to the hero business, and Garth and Tula are new to the surface world. It is not fair to leave Kaldur alone to train and guide them. Plus, it would feel wrong joining without Wally and Artemis. You are free to accept the invitation if you want to; you deserve it. However, if you choose to decline we could desperately use your help with the team.”

At that Conner stepped forward and held her hand, lifting her chin with the other so she was looking him in the eye.

“I’m just not ready to be like Superman, not yet. I need more time. But I know you, whether you stay with the team or join the league you will be a valued teammate. I will support your decision either way.”

Shocked by what she had heard, M’gann had pulled away.

“O-okay. Thanks for letting me know guys. I’ll think about it. I need to go catch up with Raquel and Zatanna now, I’ll see you round…”

With that she hurriedly exited the cave so that the other two wouldn’t see the conflict that was now raging within her

 

Later that night, M’gann lay awake. She felt torn. She desperately wanted to join the league and stand alongside her Uncle. As a league member she could help more people, and maybe even make it into the broadcasts sent back home to Mars. Maybe, just maybe, seeing her stand alongside earth’s greatest heroes would begin to change the minds of those back home. Maybe she would finally be accepted in her true form, finally be free to return to visit her family without fear of verbal and physical abuse on the streets.

But, on the other hand, could she leave her family behind? Kaldur and Dick, her earth-brothers, who’d fought beside her time and time again no matter what the odds were? Conner, her love, who’d known about her true form and dated her, _loved her_ , regardless? Could she leave the team when they so desperately needed her to stay and help?

Was she even ready to leave? If she stayed, maybe things could go back to the way they were. Maybe Artemis and Wally would come out of retirement, and they’d be a family again. They could have those mindless little beach days and go camping and have sleepovers together at the cave and it would be like nothing had ever changed. M’gann so desperately wanted things to stay the same, she couldn’t bring herself to let go of the past.

It was a secret she had only told Conner that Martians didn’t age like humans, mentally or biologically. When she had come to earth she had be chronologically 48 years old, although biologically and mentally she was the equivalent of a 16 year old. Now, three years on, all her friends were growing up, even Conner (although he was stuck looking forever 16 on the outside, a side effect of the cloning process). She however wasn't even 17 in earth terms, and struggled to pretend to be 19, an adult, around everyone. Nagging thoughts swirled at the back of her mind, taunting her about how her friends would grow up and move on without her, about how they would eventually die and leave her alone for her wretchedly long lifespan.

Shaking her head she came to a decision. She just couldn’t let go of the past, couldn’t move on, not without her whole team. No matter how much she longed to join the justice league, she would wait patiently until her family were ready to move with her. She would have to follow their suit and reject the invitation for now. She would have to say goodbye to yet more friends as Zatanna and Raquel moved on, and hope her heart didn’t break too much. As it was it could barely keep beating.


	3. Chapter 3

At first, she doesn’t understand. She feels it the moment it happens, but her brain cannot process what she feels. Perception does not lead to realisation. She cannot, she **will not** allow her thoughts to catch up. Because as soon as she thinks about it, as soon as she allows herself to consider what she already knows to be the truth, there will be no going back. She can pretend she doesn’t know. She has spent her life lying to everyone, even herself. This is just one more lie. And yet all the others pale in comparison to this, this lie that can’t afford to be a lie, not really…

“M’gann?”

Kaldur’s concerned voice shocks her out of her thoughts. Blinking she focuses on the faces in front of her. Garth, Tula, Kaldur- a mixture of worry and confusion distorting their features. A gentle touch to her left and she turns to see Conner. His eyes radiate understanding as he speaks and his voice is too soft, too gentle.

“What did you sense?”

With those words the truth finally comes crashing down on M’gann, and with a cry she loses all control. Tears cloud her vision as she sinks to the floor. She is shaking uncontrollably. Thoughts swirl around her head, seeping out into the nearby minds as she fails to control her telepathy.

_It can’t be true it can’t be true please let it not be true._

In her distress she doesn’t even register how the others leap to their feet, how her own skin bleaches white as she loses focus. She is dimly aware of Conner and now Kaldur, either side of her, trying to support her, to move her.

“Tula, prepare the infirmary! Garth, contact the League! We need help, fast…”

The words don’t really register, nothing registers except the awful gaping hole in her mindscape. Even when not linked up for direct communication, she can still sense her teammates. Their faint auras provide a comforting presence, a constant reassurance. That is until a few moments ago, when the unthinkable happened. When a sudden flash of pain seemed to wash over her, then the awful feeling of loss. One mind silenced, as abruptly as a radio having been switched off. No more dirty jokes, no more cocky confidence, no more bravado to hide a caring touch, no more hard exterior concealing the heart of gold within, no more….

All the comms units of the team suddenly crackle to life, background noise flaring. Batman’s voice pierces the background static, and it’s instantly clear something is wrong. His tone is panicked, desperate. Nobody has ever heard Batman speak with much emotion, and certainly never panic.

“All units, report to the warehouse on the East side of Gotham park, co-ordinates transmitting to units now. I repeat, all available units converge. Back-up urgently required, we have an operative missing in action, repeat, operative missing in action…”

But M’gann knows they’ll be too late. Everyone is too late. She does not even notice as her teammates place her on a table and administer a sedative. As she feels Conner squeeze her hand gently and darkness begin to engulf her, it seems as if she is experiencing the sensations through a thick fog. Just before the darkness becomes absolute, a single word escapes her lips.

“Jason….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is my personal head cannon that, after the events of Failsafe, M'gann made the others promise to take her out of action if she began losing control of her powers again to prevent anyone getting hurt. I feel it is therefore reasonable to assume that when they see her lose control they would try to get through to her and, failing that, sedate her so she is no danger to them or indeed herself.


End file.
